Catching Up

The events of the past few days have kept me very busy. Today has been a much better day.

So here's the recap. Jan had her surgery on Monday. It was a bad, bad morning as they sent her to the "Holding Room" without her pain pump, with the promise that her pain would be managed for the "short" time she would be there. By the time we were there her pain was beginning to return. After a little fuss we were able to get the nurse to give her some IV pain med. The pain management team arrived to put in her epidural (in her spine) access, but that medication would not be administered until she was in the OR.

When I returned to see her that had told her any minute they'd be taking her. Any minute turned into 5, then 10 minutes and I requested that she be given more pain medicine. We were told again it would be any minute now and they would take care of it in the OR.

At 20 minutes, I put on my mean bitchy face (yes, I have one) and asked, in a rather unfriendly tone, "what are you going to do about this?" My friend was crying and scared and apparently no one there understands what "any minute now means". There was a flurry of phone calls and finally an anesthesiologist appeared to ask what she needed. It still took another 10 or 15 minutes for the promised drug to arrive. This whole process took about 50 minutes with Janice in terrible pain and feeling very scared that no one would take care of her.

They took her about ten minutes later and I collapsed in tears. I am very grateful that Rick was there and I didn't have to answer any one's questions. He took me for a walk and a chai to calm down. And then we waited.

The surgeons came in with their report about 6 hours later. They removed a football sized tumor, her spleen, lymph nodes that were involved. They got everything they could see, but said that this is just the first step in the long road ahead. More tears, some from relief that this was over and some from fear of what is to come.

Rick took Doug, Bobby and me out to dinner. Rick and I had a beer. We were a bit irreverent and laughed a lot and relieved our stress. Doug and I went back to the recovery room to see her and she was some what loopy and talking in circles in a southern accent. She knew who we were and we stayed for a little while and went back to the hotel to finally get some sleep since we had slept very little in the last several days.

Tuesday was a scary day. Jan was past loopy and maybe into a psychotic state brought on by drugs, anesthesia and stress to her body and mind. They stopped her epidural pain meds, which helped a little, but we remained scared that this might continue past her physical recovery.

Wednesday she was somewhat better, but her eyes expressed sadness and terror over what was happening to her. She was able to let us know that us being there was too hard for her, so we called it a day and went home. Doug and Dylan and I all fell asleep not too long after we got home, too tired and stressed to even be together.

Today she is much, much better. Her eyes and mind are still "playing a few tricks" on her, but she is mostly here and communicative and her pain is being controlled. What a relief!!! She is Janice again.

Doug is with her now, I found a public computer to write this on and everyone is more relaxed.

So, we're on the upside for now. Next comes dealing with drug therapies for the cancer, which has the potential of being another rollar coaster ride, but maybe just a little one, a kiddie rollar coaster would be good.

Love and light to all who read this.

Back on Duty

I took the day off yesterday, for some much needed rest for myself. I watched TV, napped, watched TV, napped, ate and folded some clothes. Jan sounded good on the phone and Dylan, Ricky and Doug kept her occupied. She walked a lot and rested and it was good.

Today reminds me that we are not done with this yet. Her pain was up because it hurts when your kidney dies. She received two units of blood in preparation for the OR, there were IV problems with the first unit and a nurse that wouldn't listen. Having been both patient and medical professional, I understand the frustration of the patient and the circumstances that make the professional unable to be completely perfect with every patient. However, the friend in me just gets mad when something makes my friend cry! I want everything to be perfect for her.

And to top it all off, my brother called me today and my mom is in the hospital with pneumonia. I talked to her, she sounds okay, hopefully a doctor will call me tomorrow.

Right now, Jan is awake, with a new IV, a new shift of nurses and done with the transfusion. She's a little groggy from the pain meds.

I'm reminding myself to breathe slowly, slowly, slowly and that it's all good. If it's not good, it's not over.

Good, good day.

Today's been a very good day. Jan looks better, has more energy, a little more appetite and her blood pressure is down probably due the shrinking of the kidney and tumor from the embolization.

AND THIS JUST IN: The bone scan done today was negative, so no bone metastasis! This is very good.

What a roller coaster ride this has been. Happy, happy, happy today.

Renalcide: Doug's term for renal artery embolization

So, Janice is post procedure and doing okay. They've upped her pain medication and she is more comfortable. Her kidney will soon be a thing of the past. This will enable the surgeon to operate more safely. Unfortunately, the surgery will not be until Monday, unless another patient's surgery is cancelled for one reason or another. There is no danger for her to wait that long, but it is somewhat frustrating. But with the extent of the tumor she cannot be squeezed into the schedule, the surgeon wants to make sure he has all the time he needs.

They've done some more tests and all the results aren't in, but there remains the possibility of some significant metastasis, we really won't know until the tumor is out and the biopsies are done.

More waiting. . .

I've gotten messages and generous offers from friends and relatives (Erik's in -laws) here in NY offering help and places to stay. It is heartwarming to know the level of everyone's concern and love.

So, the next few days will be about keeping Janice walking and doing breathing exercises so that her surgical experience will be optimal.

Love and light to you all and thank you.

Waiting Room

Jan is right now having the procedure to stop the blood flow to her kidney and the tumor. It is not radiation, but an embolization. They will thread a catheter through a vein in her groin and inject material that will clot the renal artery. She will be sedated for the procedure and should be fairly comfortable.

Being the person sitting in the waiting room is a little strange for me. Doug and Ethan should be here soon and we will wait together. Jan's surgery could be as early as tomorrow, we'll find out later this evening. Then there will be more waiting. As patient as I can be about some things, this is not one of them.

If anyone would like to send me funny little videos on you tube, Jan would appreciate that. Also I have misplaced my cell phone charger, so Don't Panic, if you can't reach me. Jan's house phone is 516-378-2696 if you need me.

Quiet Day

Jan spoke to her surgeon this morning and she liked him very much. It still looks like the surgery is a go for this week, although they may obliterate her kidney prior to the surgery with radiation. I believe the reason for this is that it decreases the chance of bleeding during the operation. I will be here today at least until her team of doctors comes in so I can get all my questions answered.

Last night after everyone else left we snuggled in bed for a couple of hours and watched Godspell. Jan dosed on and off but woke up for the songs, and we sang them together. A blast from the past, all the hippy Jesus stuff we were involved in together.

Sitting in bed together, talking, watching movies together, it's all so familiar, so normal. It's hard to believe that something serious is lurking under the surface. Mostly I am feeling very positive, but every once in a while something catches in my throat or in hers as the unbelievability of the situation hits us.

Janice is remaining strong of spirit. Everyone's prayers and energy and good thoughts are helping and healing. Jan would like everyone to light a candle on the day of her surgery, so we can all be together in sending light and love.

Today has been calm, Jan is resting and napping and Dylan, Bobby (her brother) and I are just being with her. It's good to just be.

We're Here

Hi all. Rick and I got into LaGuardia this morning and went right to the hospital. Jan looks pale and is very fatigued, but overall she is better than I expected. Her pain is clearly well controlled and that makes a big difference. The "Jan" spirit is there, and she let's us know very clearly what she needs. There were more tests today, chest x-ray and MRI and we'll know results tomorrow. The doctors are promising surgery this week and while, I'm sure it will be tough, everything will be clearer then and the next steps can be planned.

I'm staying with Doug and the boys tonight, and maybe until the surgery, but then I will find a way to stay nearby the hospital at least for a few days. I might stay with Jan's cousin (but her husband is ill right now and I don't want to catch anything), or I might find a hotel room.

Jan is not freaking out and is patiently waiting to get all the news. If she does freak out she knows she can call us in the middle of the night and we will be there.

I'll keep you updated. Love to all who read this.

New Years Day

I talked to Jan this morning, She sounds much better and her pain is being better controlled. Doug is sounding good also. The "big shot" surgeon will be in on Monday to decide when he can do the surgery. Her cousin has an apartment in Manhattan and has graciously given them a key, so those of us who want to stay nearby can do so.

I've laden myself with healing meditation books and crystals and have embraced the fact that miracles do happen and healing comes from within. So as we all surround Jan with love and light and beauty, we can create the perfect environment for her to heal.